die cucumber sigh man - de adventure of the kittens
by barrylawn
Summary: sherlock buys kittens but theyre dead so ryuu must defend iris against evil courtroom CAN HE DO IT?
DAE GRATEN SHYMAINS THE ADVETURE OF THE KITTENS

one day ryuusuke was at home and homes came in

"hullo naruhodo wat shud we do"

suddenly iris came in

"look homsy i got a kitten"

"dats not a kitten iris dats a cat" said homes

"oh" said iris "can we get som kittens"

"OF CORDS!" shoted homes "cmalong naruhodo"

so homes and naruhodo went to hutch pon shop

"yes hello cna i help yu"

"sir we want kittens becaus or cat isnt one"

"SHE ISNT?!" scremed hutch and he ran and grab gun "FORGIIIIIIVE MEEEEEE HUF HUF HUHF HUF HFU"

"NO DUMASS DONT"

"I SO SORY ILL DI FOR YU"

"DONT FAGET" shiouted homes

"oh ok sorry"

"no do it" said a guy coming in he wore a long top hat and a cote "helo pesents please step aside becuz you fags."

"im ot a fag im sherlock holmes"

"step aside becas your sherlock holmes and a fag

"shit"

so sherlock and ryuu step aside

"now i wud like kittens"

"WAT" shoted ryuu

"I GOTTA DO SOMTHING!" shoted homes and he ran to the man "hey uhhh wats your name"

"my name is fukof layton"

"wel den mr layton you uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" holmes desper for a hint of crime "you arnt actually her for inocent kitty buying!"

"WAT"

"second you are in the middle of a GRATE CRIME!"

"U WOT M8"

"(dej vuking fu) thoguht ryuunosuke

"now emme exlain"

DEDUCTING BEGAN

"now mr layton..." homes got stuck but he covered "yu ar her for diferet busines"

"wat" sumtig fel out of laytons pokkets "look. a hancuf. now why yu have dat"

"UHMMMM" said layotn

"thers only one expanaton for dis" and sherlock tok ot the newpaper "PRISON BRAKE FROM LONO PRION! yu escapd from it didnt yu"

layton stared

"so ou are a prisoner from LONDON PRISON!" shoted serlock

concluson 1: brek from prison

topic 2 de crime "now we no yur escaping from jail but wats yur crime"

sherlock point at kitens "you itend to us dose kitens to escap"

"how de fuk" said layton

"wen police fin yu yull hold em hotage gregson woud never want to se a cta get hurt"

"GAGGAGAGGA!" screamed layton

"dats your crime moddy fukter" said sherlock

"but holms" said ryuusoke

"nonsese dis is flawes" said homes and he ws proven rite wen layton try to escap

"NOOOO!" shoted hurlock "oh well wel get him next time"

surelock phone gregson

"hey greg we need you arest som guy caled fukof layton" said sercock

"ok lets see ummm GAAAASP!"

"wat"

"THERES NOONE IN LODON WIT DAT NAME!"

"WAAAT!" shoted sherlock THE PLOST TICKINS!

ryuunose came back wit kittens 12 of dem

"ok lets go hoam"

dey went home and iris play wit kits ALLLL day

but wen dey went to sleep iris cry

"but homsy i wanna play wit kittes" said iris

"stfu iris godam i wana slepe for fucks say" sid homles

"huff"

serlock left and lock de dor

"jesus crist" aid homes going to bed

CRAAAASH

"WTF/!?" shotued ryuu geting outa bed

he ran down and saw iris in de garden crying

BUT DAT WASNT DE MOST TING!

BECAUSE NEXT TO HER

WER 12 DED KITENS!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" scammed ryuu

"IM HER" SHOUTED HERLOCK SHOLMES "WAT HAPPEN"

"THEY DED HOMESY!"

"DAMMIT I SPENT 50000 SHILIGS ON DEM!"

"wats goin on" said gegson wo was patrol "AHA!" he tok ot his fishnchips "YOU UDER AREST GIRL!"

"WAT FOR WAT"

"MURDER AND PERJERY AND ANIMAL CRULTY AND DISTERBING DE PEECE!"

iris was arested

"NOOOOOO FUCK!" shoted homes "RYUU WE GOTA DO SOMTNG BUT SOMTINGS RONG"

"WAT"

"MY LOGIC DEDUCTON SAYS IRIS IS SUSPICIOIS"

"FUCK!" shot ru "well lets investigate anywawy

ruu sater at de kittens wating for somthing to hapen

like a miracle

but nop

"shit this never hapen lets go to jail"

so ryuu and homel went to detainment center

"hi homesy and narudy" sad watson

"well defend yu" said camel

"but you dont have a defense badge"

"sit your right" said shamel but den he noticd somthing "WAIT YES WE DO ITS ON NARUHODOS ARM!"

"WOAH YUR RITHE!" shouted riis

"TEN ILL DEFEND YU!" shouted narodo

AT DE TRIAL

"corts in session" said santa clause who was judge you know the judge in die gluten shymain is santa or at least looks like him so dats his name here.

ryuu looked at de jurors 1 was hutch 2 was a reindeer 3 was satan 4 was phoenix wright 5 was surelock homles and 6 was a polar bear

"wtf homes why are you jury"

"so i can do dis" homes hit ot guilty BAM not guilty moder fuckers

BUT DAT WASNT IT!

BECAUSE SATAN BEING A DEVIL SAID GUILTY! AND DEN THE POLAR BEAR WAS DRUNK AND HIT HIS HED ON DE GUILTY BUTTON!

BAM! BAM! BAM! GUILTY VERDICTS FLEW ALL OVER DE PLACE! AND DEN THE ONLY ONE LEFT WAS SHERLOCK!

"bah youll learn homes." said de prosecutor who was BROKEN VAN ZEEKS!

"AH IM DOOM!" screamed iris becaues van geeks was impossible.

"now for my opened state" said barold fallhard "(IM SORRY I WOT US DAT _**SHITTY**_ WOLF NAME EVER AGAN!) "sherlock hlmes decided to buy kittens for iris but she kill dem shes guilty of murer animal cruty steeling from holmes money and shes also saying shes inocent so perjury too"

"shit this is bad" said ryuu

"now well call detective inpector gregson to stand" said van zeeks

"hey evryone" said gregson "sorry but iris is guilty and i can prove it"

WITNESS TESTIMONY

"de crime happened outside baker street house. iris was fond wit the kittens. she murdered dem. only she cudve got out and done it"

"OBJECTIOON!" shouted ryyu presenting the kye "homes locked de door to iris bedroom so she cudnt get out and play wit kiten dat night

"WAAAT" screemed gregson "BUT DATS IMPOSSIBLE!"

"DIS MEENS!" shouted narudo "DAT IRIS CUDNT HAVE GOTTEN OUT ALONE!"

"but we fond he on de crime scee anyway"

"oh fuck right

"LOL YOU SUCK M8" alugh gregson and he ate som chips and fish

"fuck you gregson you slept with winston payne!"

"GAGAGGAH!" his fishchips flew evrywher

"ok guilty" said jurors

"NO!" shouted homes but it was in vane because de polar bear ROARED AT HIM VERY LOUD AND IT SCARY AS SHIT MAN!

"AAAGHAGAH!" screamed sherlock and he hit guilty

"NOOOOOO!" screamed ryuu "oh wait a minute I CAN CROSS EXAMIN YOU GUYS NOW!"

JURY EXAMINATION

"theres noone else it cud be" said huch

"..." said reindeer

"hahaha dat little loligirl is GILTY! GUUUUIIILLLLTTTYYYY!" laughed satan

"i just want to find th truth"

"i didnt mea to" said sherlock

"ROAR!" raord polar bar

"ok now i cross examine" said ryuu going to witness bench

"theres noone else it cud be" said huch

"..." said reindeer

"HOLD IT!" shouted ryuu "yoou cant just say ... you hav to giv a rason!"

"oh ok" said reindeer and he revised his tstimony

"thres somone els it could be."

"OBJECTIO!" shouted ryuu and h pointed at him and hutch "THER IS MAJOR CONTRADICTION HER!"

"wat" said hutch

"yu hutch said noon els cudv done it but REINDEER TINKS ANOTHER DID IT!"

"AAAH!"

"your right so" rineer hit not gilty and peer pressure got to hutch so he did de same

"alright nxt" said ryuu

"hahaha dat little loligirl is GILTY! GUUUUIIILLLLTTTYYYY!" laughed satan

"i just want to find th truth"

"i didnt mea to" said sherlock

"HOLD IT!" shoutd ryuu "shrlock it dosnt HELP wen yu dont talk to ME so get OUT of your drama and com HERE to real world" said ryuu

"OH OK!" shouted sherlock and everyone was very confusd "WHAT SHOULD I use to get out of it would you SAY"

"well i wud SAY maybe... I dont know what do yu THINK. wait no id say you talk to IRIS"

"but shes in jail"

"oh thats NOT good was she GUILTY?"

"OOOHH! OK!" said sherlock

"wat dos that hav to do wit the question" said santa

"lemme revise my testimoy" said sherlock

"fine" said van zeeks

"i think iris is not guilty"

"OBJECTION!" shouted ryuu and he pointed at sherlock and satan "THE CONTRADICTION IS OVIOUS"

"yeah so im changing to not guilty now" said sherlock

"no i refuse" said satan

"GRRR!" roared ryuu and he continued

"wait" said phoenix

"what"

"i must find the truth so im saying NOT GUILTY"

BAM! NOT GUILTY

"NOOOO!" screamed baroken

"but ryuu who cud it be"

"i think it was FUKOF LAYTON!"

"GAAAAAASP!" gasped courtroom

"OBJECTION" shouted someone and layton came in "fuck off pal im innocent"

"den testify"

"ok"

WITNESS TESTIMONY

"i didnt kill de cats ihave no motive too."

"OBJECTION!" shouted ryuu presenting hutchs shop "there is a contradiction ehre!"

"no there isnt" said van zeeks

"wat"

"TINK BEFORE YOU SPEEK DUMASS!" PENALTY!

"DAMMIT! guess they didnt tink thatd work" said ryuu

"i have no motive"

"OBJECTION!" shouted ryuu and he presented layto profile "you wated to use em to escap but holmes bought em so you wanted him to suffer

"lol but you cat prove i actually did it"

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAATTT!" screamd ryuu ad his face hit de desk

"welp you suck" said van seeks "guilty now pls"

"OBJECTION!" shouted ryuu and he pointed to the jurors "look at de jurors"

"wat abot them"

"two of dem are animals wich meens CATS CAN BE HERE"

"and"

"I WANT DE CAT TO TESTIFY!"

"WOAH RYUU BADASS!" shouted court

"lol your gonna fail but the posecution calls wagahai to stand"

wagahai de cat came to stand

"name and occupation"

"meow"

"lol"

"ugh just testify witness" said ryuu

WITNESS TESTIMONY

"meow" said wagahai

"well dat was a fail" said layton "verdict now"

"uuugghh" said ryu it was hopeless

"VERY WELL. this court finds the defendant iris watso-"

"OBJECTION!" DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN!

BAM! PHOENIX WRIGHT WAS STANDING AT DE DEFESE BENCH

"ill do it" said phoenix

"wat!" shouted barok "why"

"i hav experience wit cross examine animals also ryunoseks my grandad so kek" said phoenix WRIGHT

"wat how" said ryuunosuke NARUHDO

"dont question it ask crapcom" said phoenix "anyway lets cross examine de cat"

"can jurors even do dis?!" asked zeeks

"eh i dont care" said santa

CROSS EXAMINATION

"moew"

"HOLD IT!" shouted phoenix "cmon witness talk to me"

"meow"

"look at dat man hav you seen him befor"

wagahai looked at d man and noded

"oh rely and wat do you no about him"

suddenly wagahai got real scared

"is der somthing yu dont like about him"

suddenly ayton started playing wit his hat

"HANG ON!" phoeix pointed to the witness "wahts rong witnes"

"AH!" screamed ayton "noting"

"somthing abot wagahai not liking yu is related to yur hat isnt it"

"WAT NO WAT DOS DAT HAV TO DO WIT IT"

"yu start playing wit it wen i mentioned it i don need a bracelet to see dat"

"ugh... its noting i ust like playing wit-"

phoenix slammed de sk "enough witess show us wats in you hat"

...layton removed his hat ad oting was der"

"wh-WHAAAAAT?!" shouted phoenix

"now if youll excuse me-"

"OBJECTION!" shouted ruu "OT SO FAST I NO DE TRUTH ABOT DAT HAT!"

"watdats impossible!" shouted layton

"there is only one posible conection but it must be somwhere and i no where it is I YOUR HAT!"

"BUT TERES NOTHING IN HIS HAT!" shouted barok

"dats wat you tink but look inside! THERE IT IS! THERES A KIFE TAPED TO THE TOP!"

"NOOO HOWD YOU FIND IT!" shouted layton

"now lets test de blood I BET IT BELONGS TO DE KITTENS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" sceamed layton and he broke down

"wat happened to the witess gregson" said santa

"fukoff layton aka luke tragic has been arrested santa"

"very good nowjurors cast your verdicts"

"not guilty" sid hutch

"not guilty" sid reindeer

"not guilty" sid phoenix

"not guilty" sad homes

"ROAR!" said polar bar

"GUILTY!" shouted satan but someone threw a brick on him and it hit de ot guilty thing

"BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAAAM!"

"very well dis cort finds iris NOT GUILTY!"

THE END


End file.
